Parshat Hayee Sarah 5767

This sermon is for all those who have gray hair, wrinkles, and arthritis. It’s for those of you who find it hard to stand up when the ark is opened and those who have noticed that their memory isn’t what it should be. It’s for those who squint when they read the newspaper despite the fact their wearing bifocals, and who complain that no one ever talks loud enough…

If you fit into any of these categories and you want to know who to blame, I’m here to tell you. It’s all Abraham’s fault. According to a Jewish legend, we owe the signs, or maybe I should say the ravages, of old age to our forefather, Avraham Aveenu. It all goes back to one particular verse in this week’s Torah portion: “V’Avraham zaken, ba biyamim, va’adonai berach, et Avraham bakol.” “And Abraham was old, advanced in age, and God blessed Abraham with everything.”

Reading this verse, the sages wondered why it was necessary to tell us that Abraham was both zaken, that he was old, and ba biyamim, that he was advanced in age. Aren’t these really the same thing? According to legend it seems that until the time of Abraham, people aged but didn’t grow old, or at least they didn’t appear old. A ninety year old man looked no different than a twenty year old. And a hundred year old woman had the same smooth skin and dark hair as her great-grand daughter.

Can you imagine such a world? Would you consider this to be a blessing? Apparently Abraham did not. As he approached the later years of life, he realized that no one could tell the difference between father and son. Because he and Isaac looked so much alike, people would walk over to Isaac and begin to converse with him because they thought he was Abraham. Or they would approach Abraham and invite him to play a game of basketball because they thought he was Isaac!

Abraham felt there was something wrong with this. He believed that with old age should come reverence and respect. But if you can’t tell people apart, then older people will be treated no differently than the young. So Abraham prayed that the old be distinguished from the young and God granted him his wish. I guess that is an example of the old adage – ‘careful what you ask for – you may get it!’ The old started looking (and feeling) their age. And people started treating the old with a new recognition and respect.

From our perspective, this story just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Our generation will do anything to escape the signs of old age. We spend billions of dollars a year to disguise and conceal any evidence that we are growing older. We use Clairol to darken our hair and botox to get rid of wrinkles. We are even prepared to undergo dangerous surgery to get rid of the signs of age. The most effective sales pitch in persuading someone to buy a new outfit is, “Why it makes you look so much younger,” (followed by, “It makes you look thinner.”) We’re traumatized by the inevitability of growing older.

In a generation when businesses are trying to sell themselves to a youth oriented culture, young is good and old is outdated. So what if you have Play Station 2 – Play Station 3 is newer and better! We equate growing old with growing stale and we see age as a liability rather than an asset.

Even professions that traditionally valued age, such as the rabbinate and medicine, have become the province of ‘younger’ and ‘more active’ people. In a throw away culture we discard people as easily as we throw out yesterday’s newspaper.

What’s more, we are understandably fearful of the ravages of age – growing old does not necessarily guarantee a better and richer life. We have nursing homes filled with people who have reached amazing ages but have long since ceased to enjoy the blessings of old age. And sadly many of these people have been forgotten and deserted by their families.

The story of Abraham’s desire to grow old ought to challenge us to reassess our priorities. As Jews we are the bearers of a tradition in which ‘old’ is not a dirty word. On the contrary, the Hebrew word Zaken is a title of honor commanding respect and deference. Zaken is said to be a mnemonic for Zeh Kanah Khochma, this one has acquired wisdom. Gray hair is described in the book of proverbs as a ‘crown of glory’ and the torah commands us, lifnei sayva takum – “Before those with white hair you shall stand.”

Of course, old age is not always gentle or kind. More often than not the golden years are tarnished and stained. In our Torah and Haftorah portions this morning we find two radically different images of growing old. On the one hand, we see Abraham, advance in years, and yet still actively engaged in the world and with his family. We are even told that Abraham was blessed ‘with everything.’ On the other hand, we find King David, feeble and powerless, not even able to warm himself without a human heating blanket. Unable to make decisions, his wife and advisor take matters into their own hands and persuade him to appoint Solomon as the new king. Life has passed David by – it is hard to imagine that this is the same man who slew Goliath and was a fearless military hero.

There are no guarantees in old age. Rabbi Aha, once said, “One can have the dignity of old age without its years or the length of days without the dignity of old age.” Walking up the halls of the Grandell where my mother is a resident, I am painfully aware of just how cruel old age can be. We fear the ravages of old age more than we fear old death. When a study was done a few years ago, it was found that most people have no desire to live beyond the age of ninety…

And yet the sages managed to find dignity in old age even when it was impaired. Rabbi Yoseph, a Talmudic scholar, reminds us that, "both the whole tablets and the fragments of the ten commandments were placed together in the Ark." He understood that there is inherent value even in an impaired life, even when we are broken. Stricken with illness, the Talmud tells us that he forgot most of his Torah and that his students had to remind him of the lessons he had taught him at an earlier point in life. Despite this impairment, Rabbi Joseph was treated with reverence and respect – he was the broken shards of the Ten Commandments. Maybe this is how we should look at those who are stricken with dementia or simply frail as a result of old age. Dignity is an inherent human characteristic. It is not based on what we produce or how clever we are. It is who we are. Nothing can rob a human being of the Tzelem Elohim, the divine image in which he or she was created.

Despite the fact that Abraham was ‘old’ and ‘advanced in years’ our forefather was blessed with ‘everything.’ Abraham was not embarrassed by his age. He was proud of age, despite its infirmities and inconveniences. Even when the aged lose the ability to speak and interact with us there are lessons that we can learn from them and qualities of compassion and understand that they help us to develop.

A story is told about an elderly woman who came to live with her daughter and grand daughter. As she became more infirm, the woman developed Parkinson’s disease and her hands shook. As a result she was constantly dropping dishes and glasses and breaking objects around the house. Infuriated with her mother, the daughter was constantly yelling at her mother for being so clumsy. Finally one day the daughter told her young daughter to go out and buy grandma a plastic plate and cup so that she would not break them if she dropped them again. The young girl returned with two plastic cups and plates. “Why did you buy two,” the mother asked her daughter, “We only really need one.” The young daughter answered: “Why, mother, I bought one of each for grandma, and I bought an extra set for you when you become old like grandma…”

What do we teach our children when we ignore the elderly? What do our actions and words say about our attitudes to those advanced in years? Do we teach them that it is a blessing to show reverence to the aged, even if they can no longer appreciate our presence or do we simply turn away and make fun of the old? Do we teach them that old is not a curse but a fact of life, with all of its possibilities and challenges. Do we show them that to care for the elderly is a privilege?

A society is measure by the way it treats its elderly. In the words of Abraham Joshua Heschel, “Reverence for the old, dialogue between the generations, is as important for the young as it is for the well being of the old. We deprive ourselves by disparaging the elderly.”

Consider how much poorer our world would be without the elderly. Michelangelo finished the dome of St Peter’s Cathedral in Rome at age 70; Sophocles wrote his play about Oedipus when he was 80. Handel, Hayden and Verdi were still composing music at 86.

But even if the elderly can no longer be productive members of society in the sense of creating things or earning an income, they can still be a blessing. Too often I hear people say, “I don’t want to be a burden to my children. Of course, we don’t want to be a burden but there is a certain privilege in caring for our parents as difficult as it sometimes is. When the elderly question why they are still alive, we must remind them that we continue to learn from them by learning how to care for them, and by valuing them.

Was Abraham really blessed with everything, as the Torah says? I don’t know what the final years of Abraham’s life were like. I do know that he lived 175 years and that Abraham, “died at a good ripe age, old and contented,” and that in the end “he was gathered to his kin.” I also know that he remarried and had several other children to whom he left an inheritance and that, in the end, his first two sons, Ishmael and Isaac, stood side by side at his grave reconciled. What more can a person ask for? All in all, despite trials and tribulations, Abraham did not live such a bad life.

But there are no guarantees. Will we be more like Abraham or King David? With age, there comes many uncertainties. And personally I think that reaching old age certainly beats the alternative. If we could all pick an artificial point in time and simply go to sleep and not wake up, it would be great; but life does not work that way. Abraham learned that with the blessings of age come other experiences over which we ultimately have no control.

So next time you look in the mirror, smile and give thanks. For we are blessed with Abraham’s legacy: to be one day older and hopefully a little wiser gray hair and all.

Shabbat Shalom