A Weekly Mitzvah
What are
the Limits of Showing Respect to Parents?
Parshat Vayigash 5767
Genesis
44:18 - 47:27
| Dedicated by Frances and
Buddy Brandt With love to their grandchildren Elka, Joshua, Lindsay, Oren Z”L, Jenny, David, Lauren, Zenfira, and Emily |
Do you have thoughts, comments
or questions on Table Torah Talk?
Please share them with me at haravmark@optonline.net
At long last Joseph reveals his true identity. He says, “I am Joseph whom you sold into Egypt. Now be not distressed…it was to save life that God sent me hither.” He sends his brothers home to share the good news with their father and to bring the family back to Egypt. Yet we are left to wonder how Joseph really felt about his brothers and father. There is an underlying element of ambivalence in Joseph’s relationship with his family. After almost twenty years of separation we are told that Joseph immediately hitched up his chariot and went to greet his father. Yet why did it take him so long to seek out his father? Surely he must have realized that Jacob was grieving the loss of a beloved son. For the sages Joseph’s actions are a wonderful example of kibbud av v’em, of honoring ones parents. Joseph puts his own honor aside to seek out his father. Yet how far should we go? Twenty-seven years ago I gave my ‘senior sermon’ at the Jewish Theological Seminary on this Parshat Vayigash and this particular question. How far should a child go to show honor and respect to his parents? What happens when parents and children have conflicting values?
Genesis 46:29 |
Rabbi Shlomo Yitzhaki, Rashi’s Commentary
Joseph hitched his chariot: He himself hitched up
the horses to his chariot because he was zealous in showing honor to
his father.
Abraham Ibn Ezra, Torah Commentary
Joseph hitched his chariot: He did so by command,
as in “Solomon Built the House of God.” (Kings I 6:14). Just
as Solomon did not built the Temple himself but commanded
others to do so, so in this verse Joseph didn’t really hitch
up his own chariot but ordered others to do so.
Etz Hayim Commentary on the Torah
Joseph ordered his chariot: The literal meaning of
the Hebrew is “hitched.” Although it was certainly not
done by Joseph himself, attributing it to him heightens the impression
of Joseph excitedly rushing forth to Goshen to greet his father. Despite
his exalted position, Joseph does not wait for his father to come to
come to him.
Exodus 20:12
Honor your father and mother…
Leviticus 19:3
You shall each be in awe of your mother and your father and keep My Sabbath.
I am the Lord your God.
Babylonian Talmud, Kiddushin 31b
Our Rabbis taught: What is awe? Awe means that the child must neither
stand in the parent’s regular place nor sit in his/her regular
seat, nor contradict a parent’s words nor tip the scales against
the parent. (That is if a parent is in dispute with another person,
one must not side with the opponent.) What is ‘honor?’ Honor
means that the child must provide the parent with food and drink, clothe
him/her, and lead the parent in and out….
Rabbi Abbahu said: "Who is like my son Avimi fulfills the precept
of honoring one's father?" While Rabbi Abbahu was still living,
Avimi had five sons who were ordained. Yet, when [his father] Rabbi Abbahu
came and called out at the door, Avimi himself would run to open the
door for his father, saying, "Coming, coming," until he reached
it. Once Rabbi Abbahu said to Avimi, "Give me a drink of water." By
the time Avimi brought it, Rabbi Abbahu had dozed off. Avimi bent down
and stood over Rabbi Abbahu until he woke up.
Rabbi Shlomo Yitzhaki, Rashi
The Torah juxtaposed observing the Sabbath with showing awe to one’s
parents to teach us that God said “Even though I warned you regarding
the commandment of showing awe to one’s parents, if a parent says
go desecrate the Sabbath, you must not listen to him/her and the same
is true for all the other commandments.”
Rabbi Joseph Karo, Shulchan Aruch Yoreh 240
If the son wants to marry a certain woman but the parent is not pleased
the son need not listen.
.
Questions to Ponder |
|
| 1. | Which explanation of this verse do you find more reasonable: Rashi or Ibn Ezra? Why does Ibn Ezra reject the literal understanding of the verse, “Joseph hitched his chariot?” How does the Etz Hayim reconcile these two interpretations? |
| 2. | What is the difference between ‘honor’ and ‘awe’ as these terms are understood in the Talmud? Society has changed in the last century and we have different behaviors for relating to our parents. How do we show our parents honor and awe today? |
| 3. | Are there any circumstances under which you feel that a child is no longer obligated to ‘honor’ or ‘show awe’ to his/her parents? If so what would they be? |
| 4. | What should a child do when his/her parents makes demands that are detrimental to the parent’s own well being (For instance the parent demands that the child allow the parent to live on his/her own and the child is concerned about the parents ability to care for him/her self.) What happens when ‘awe’ and ‘honor’ for a parent appear to contradict one another? |
| 5. | What should a child do when the parent makes demands that would cause the child to transgress other mitzvot in the Torah? |
“All it takes to study Torah is an open heart, a
curious mind and a desire to grow a Jewish soul.”
Copyright 2006 Rabbi Mark B Greenspan
| Torah Table
Talk is a weekly e-publication of Rabbi Mark B Greenspan sponsored
by the Oceanside Jewish Center on Long Island, New York. If you
would like to subscribe to Torah Table Talk please send an e-mail
to tabletalk@oceansidejc.org.
|
